Things that make you go hmmmm

lol I was just listening to that stupid song lol...

Ashley got straight A+'s as well as getting an A in GATE...I am so proud of her...she cracks me up, I told her how proud I was, and she said "but mom I always get straight A's" lol I told her that I am always proud of her. We took her to diner at Edo-Yahs she got an adult meal cause she wanted both the chicken and the shrimp lol...its a tempanyaki resteraunt where they cook on a big stove in front of you, and doo all the fancy moves...Ashley loves it there, it was alot of money but worth it. Afterwards we went for a walk at her school (her, ken and I oh and the dog) and Ashley got all embarassed cause her friends were there as well, shes such a shy little girl. We walked all around then we sat at the playground so she could play. She took our dog down the slide and it was so funny, he went down on his butt backwards...we had alot of fun.

As nice as yesterday was, it just couldn't last. My best friend Anthony's mom passed away yesterday and he was very upset. He called and hearing the pain in his voice hurt. We have had our ups and downs but I still consider him one of my best friends...I am really worried about him...he has watched her slip away big time for the fast few days...and when she finally passed away he just didn't expect it at all. I hope I can be the friend he needs through all of this.

Ken stayed the night last night, I thought he was staying again cause we had made plans, but he packed up this morning and left...I hate when he does that, just leaves with out saying anything, I never know if I have done something or if he needs to do something...we were gonna go look at tents and give the dog a bath tonight, but I guess he didn't want to. Last night was pretty amazing...being in his arms, I didn't hide from him last night...usually I freak and try to hide everything...I was just free...I felt so close to him, and then him leaving without a word this morning, makes me think I fucked up...I never know, I know hes had problems lately, I just wish I could help him better. I let him down in so many ways its not even funny...he does everything to take care of Ash and him, and I have not held up my end of the bargain at all...I just love him, I hope he knows that...I hope I show tha to him...I love that hes not afraid to hold me or kiss me in public, I love that he makes me feel beautiful, but I worry that I am not what he wants...

I know so little about his past, wierd huh? We have been togather nearly 3 years...and although we talk...I still know so little about his former life...and in the same breath he knows little about my full past, he knows what I let out, but there are secrets there that will never come out...they are my demons and I will never share them, maybe thats how he feels...

Anyways I am off to get ashley from school...to hear how her day went and to get lost in her endless talking lol...god I love my baby...

How lucky am I