Friends

I used to have so many friends it was unreal, I never was alone, they were always here...one day while we were out for coffee I relized something (Ihate coffee lol) that these people wern't my real friends, just poeple I went to starbucks with...my real friends had slipped away. I stopped hanging out with the people I had nothing in common with, I stopped trying to find ways to make the differences ok...but I have different values and beliefs...they all slept around, alot...I think there needs to be a commitment and love...they talk about each other so much it was unreal, I think its not nice lol...they make fun of handicap people, I teach special needs children and love my job...they were always looking at me and judging me, hell I figured I judged myself enough without their help. I talked to my best friend Jennifer the other night...she was telling me about a little girl who lives next door to her...a little blind girl, she said she went out and bought wind chimes, to see the childs reaction...we talked about our children, our loves...our past. I realized something, this was real, someone whos been there forever, who stopped judging me when we were 12 and decided to be different...I was the skater girl who never cared what others thought, she was the preppy who knew all the cool things to do lol and we fit...there was Jennifer, Rose, Laurie, Evelyn, Ruth, Tracy and Beth...out of all of us there are 4 alive...we lived in hard times, and we did what we could to survive...Rose emailed me, shes got cervical cancer...she married her high school sweet heart Jay...they have small children...shes an amazing person...Jennifer is barely holding on, she has so many problems...I just wish things were different for all of us, that time didn't slowly seperate us...Friendship is important, and I miss them...so we did a confrence call tonight...all laughing, all rembering...and we all decided we are going to make an effort for now on to go out once a month...just us girls, and get to know each other all over again...they got me through alot, and I will help them with everything I can...

My other friend Anthony has called 23 times since last night, hes lonely, sad and I have no way to help, I just say all the right things, or try to...I just hate seeing people hurt...I can't imagine loosing my mom, or watching her die, I wish I could take care of him, help him...for a long time I had a hard time being his friend...he wanted more, I really didn't...so I kept him at a distance, but he needs a friend now, and I am here...I will do what I can.

Ken...he is honestly my very best friend...the person who makes me happy and holds my hand through all the tough times...sometimes when we grow up things happen and our childhood friends and us grow apart...but the ones we love...they are always there, I love Ken, and I am thankful for his friendship...I miss my friends, but I wouldn't change a thing because everything led me to where I am and who I am with.

Life has a way of changing people in odd ways, I guess we all have to grow up sometimes...even if we don't want to...I am just learning that.

Friends are important, and I am so lucky to have so many...from my childhood as well as adulthood...I am also lucky to have found my very best friend in the man I love...