Ashley

Ashley has always been my baby...I got pregnant at 17 had her at 18, so I never grew up lol I became a mom. People used to tell me constantly that I was going to be a bad mom because I was so young...but from the moment I was told I was pregnant I loved her...truely and deeply. I read all of the mommy to be books and well parenting, I even took classes on how to be a good mom...I didn't want to make any mistakes, I wanted her to grow up knowing how much I love her, and what she means to me...The day she was born was the scariest day as well as the best day of my life. Being a 18 year old girl, all alone while having a baby is hard...my mom stayed with me through it all...when the doc said it was time to push (after 9 days of pure hell) it hit me that I was about to be a mommy...and I freaked out big time. I told my mom and the nurses that I didn't want to do this anymore, I didn't ever want to hurt my baby by being a bad mom, that she deserved better than me...my mm looked at me and said no matter what Carie this baby wants you to hold her...she told me that I will make mistakes, and I would learn from them...she told me that I was born to be a mommy, it was in the way I was with children, my passion for wanting to be a teacher...I calmed down, and my mom delivered my baby (long ass story about a doc who went to diner and scared nurses not wanting to be sued).

My mom cut the cord while the nurses finally came to help and she handed Ashley to me (symbolic huh, my mom handing me my baby). She was so beautiful and perfect...my heart swelled and I never imagined I would feel the way I did...love greater than I ever imagined, proctevness that shocked me and pride...she was perfect and her future was going to be full of great things, I swore it...Ashley was my whole world...

We were like best friends as she grew up, there were no kids in my area her age so I played with her lol...she was reading very early...3 and 4 she was reading large books, with minimal help. I was reading to her while she was in my tummy lol, I rollar bladed with her, and played legos with her, and bought every child CD out there lol...and I sang with her and did the movements I learned to do with my students. Ashley is remarkable, she is so smart, every year they ask me to skip her up a grade, I always say no...she may be book smart, but shes naieve about so much. She has never had anything except A's...and all her state tests have scored perfect...she has a 12th grade reading level in the 5th grade....she amazes me daily.

People tell me about the terible 2's and so many other things, but Ash had none of that, always laughing and playing she never threw any fits...now she is making up for it...she thinks she knows it all and treats me like I am not the brightest person. She talks down to me often and argues with me over everything. She has been so disrespectable to me lately that I have no t been able to stop and learn how to handle it. She cries alot...I mean a whole lot...she was a fearless child and now shes afraid of everything...she screams at me if I don't tell her I am feeding the dogs or anything regarding going out of her sight...she flips out when its bed time about sleeping alone...I know thats my fault, I spoiled her big time, all my aunts and uncles lost their first born to SIDS and so I never layed her down in her first 2 years lol...I was so afraid of loosing her I never laid her down, I had people come over to rock her so I could take a shower, I slept in a recliner with her on my chest...then at 2 she slept with me, like I said I was a single mommy who gave up on guys completely...so now shes still getting used to sleeping alone. my little girl who never threw fits throws about 5 a day...not horrible like I have seen other kids, but they can be pretty bad...the other day she was upset because I told her she couldn't use the phone as punishment for her not doing what I had repeatedly asked...she just went off, I hate you came out of her mouth for the first time, I have been in a ton of fights, but nothing has ever hurt that much...I let it go, kids say that to get a rise, I calmly told her to put her pajamas on she was going to bed for her behavior(only 40 min early) and she told me to shut up and get out of her room...that was enough...so I stood my ground and told her she was not to talk to me that way...she kept screaming, I swatted her on the butt 1 time and put her to bed...she was bawling as I had only swatted her 1 time before and I then went into my room and cried...she had broke my heart and then just repeatedly beat me with her words...I love my daughter and I worry that I have spoiled her beyond help...I am scared for her, worried that she will have a hard time accepting so many things because I sheltered her so much...I am a person who believe it or not hates fights, I hate to hurt anyone, and I hated that my little girl thought so little of me that she treated me baddly...I have not been the same since, I am going to have to figure out a way to help her realize she can not treat people that way, and I need to learn how to handle the situation better...I want her to be well rounded and emotionaly healthy...

Ashley is a good kid, shes just trying to find out who she is, this attitude has come from seeing the way her friends talk to their parents with no consiquences...I am going to start laying down the law and I only pray I will be strong enough lol...good thing I have Ken to back me up, and to hold me at the end of the day when I am an emotional waste lol...


I am a good mom, and I love my daughter so much, I am just learning how to be a mom while trying to be a mom lol...my mom was not a good mom when I was growing up, I was abused by my step dad and then by Ashleys dad, so I have been learning to be a parent with no knowledge first hand how to do that lol

I read all these blogs by moms and I feel like I know all these people just from their writing lol, wel I wanted to let people know all about my wonderful little girl, as well as maybe ask for some hints on how to handle rebelion at 10 years old lol...well anyways thanks for listening to me bable like a baby as I try to figure out how to deal with a little girl who is slowly growing up...


I don't wanna grow up cause I 'm a toy's 'r us kid....lol I am a lucky mommy to have her, and I know that, I know its normal what shes going through I just need to figure out within myself on how to guide her through all of this