Please...

Today I was chatting with a friend of mine...I have been chatting with him for 5 years now...he flirts alot, and I am not all that comfortable with it, he knows I'm not, thats why he does it. He always refers to Ken as navy and tries to tell me how different we are in almost every conversation...tonight he made me mad when he said I wasn't the kind of girl guys like Ken go for, I wasn't woman enough...what the hell does that mean!!!!!!!!!!! He said I was to much of a tomboy and liked to goof off and that guys like Ken would never really be happy with me. Yeah he started saying how me and him were alike NOT!!! I am not into men who fuck around on their wives. I love Ken, I tell him this everyday...he just really pissed me off this time, usually he just plays around and when I say enough thats the end...he just kept his shit up tonight...why do guys do that? try to play stupid mind games with you? I told him I didn't want to chat with him if he kept this up, he got upset and said he was only playing around, I used to be fun and able to goof off like that, he said I was changing to make Ken happy...BULLSHIT. Ken will be the first one to tell you I have not changed, that I still prefer my baggy jeans and skater shirts to any damn girly thing and that I am still the biggest goof ball, but yeah when it comes to "joking" about my love life I don't find it funny...I know what hes doing hes trying to make me see Ken differently, no one can do that...hell I tried to talk myself out of loving him at the begining...I couldn't do it...I am madly in love with him, and if after nearly 3 years I still love him hoplessly I doubt a guy from yahoo is going to change my mind lol...just needed to get it off my chest and I am a little mad that I feel like I can't chat with him anymore, because most times we have goofy chats and laugh all night...I tell Ken about him, hell Ken chats with girls all the time...at first I got jealous, but I learned that to make this relationship work I needed to trust in him, we have had our trust tested to much and I am tired of it all, so I just accepted it lol they knew him first, they were his friends before me, well some anyways...still one girl that bugs me...the fat chick from his other school...his "sugar momma". When I would call he always said he was going to this place with her, or that place...and she payed for everything...it broke my heart, I never told him at the time, I didn't want to rock the boat...we were trying to hold on over a long distance...but I almost just said fuck it and walked out of this over it...my friends tried to fix me up constantly...but I figured if I loved him I needed to make it work...so I tried to accept it...he says now that there was nothing, but it will always bother me...I know he still chats with her from time to time...it hurts...when I went up there to help him move back she was not friendly to me in any way...gave me dirty looks and called me a bitch as we walked away...so if he didn't have nothing with her, she felt she had something. Yeha I know I amm all fucked up in the head...nothing new there lol...

well I have other issues about alot of this, just not ready to talk about it...so I will leave my stupid ranting for now...damn I sound depressing lol oh geez