Camping

I am getting ready to go camping with Ken and his family, this is a family tradition for them and we always have fun...this year may be different...his sister and her husband are having problems...I am hoping this trip helps them have some fun and not fight, but that may be wishful thinking...

I was thinking about step parents lately...partly from Kens sisters situation and what I grew up with...

My step mom is a pretty nice lady, and I have been lucky to have her around when I was forced to go to my dads because she took me places and talked to me so I wasn't alone in the house while my dad was out drinking or working...she is a little wierd, I mean I know shes done or does drugs but she was always really into GOD, we sang religous songs in the car and she taught me alot about the bible...sometimes I think she was so into it because well GOD is always there and in her mind noone else was ever there for her.

Growing up I never called her mom because it made my mom mad and because I never wanted to like her, my dad tended to go through wives alot...but in my mind she was my mom, I was lucky enough to have 2 moms. I wrote her an email not to long ago and I wrote to her as MOM, she called me crying and told me I had never called her that before and that she loved me...I realized although I was always nice and respectful I never let her know I loved her, so now I make sure to let her know...being a step mom must truely be hard

His sister is having a hard time with her husbands girls, they play one against the other and her husband feels guilty because hes not with them 9 months out of the year, so he lets them slide on everything...they are scared and feel alone, and so they take it out on her and her kids...its constantly arguing and fighting there, she wants to be a good step mom but needs the power to be so, to set boundries for all the kids that are the same...but he says she doesn't treat his kids the same and puts the blame on her and their kids, its all a big mess.

They love each other, and have been through hell to get where they are, I just hope they figure this thing out in the best way for all of them...the kids are all going through hell with the inconsistancy...so heres to hoping camping can help heal it all or at least alow them to have fun for a bit.

Ken has 2 boys, but theres alot there that I don't know about, he doesn't get to see them often, I know he misses them, I see it in his eyes, when the ex called I saw the saddness in him at missing parts of his boys lives...he loves those boys, I wish he had a chance to be a bigger part in their lives...I hope he does in the future, they all need each other, theres alot of love there.

I think I could make a good step mom, I am good with kids, and I know I am...but I think when you are a step mom you are not looked at as a human for a long time lol...you are the evil alian with 3 heads that they must test at every oppertunity they get. I love kids, thats why I became a teacher, and I would do everything in my power to make any child feel welcomed and loved. Maybe someday I will get the chance...

Ken and I are doing ok, theres been a little bit of..hmmmm....crankiness going on lately. I am not to sure whats going on with him and that worries me, I feel excluded only because I know theres something bothering him and he has yet to tell me...well maybe turn about is fair play, I never tell him whats wrong with me...so why should he tell me? But I want to know, I want so badly to help him, to always make him happy, theres been so many times lately I have wondered if I was making him happy, hes been snapping at me alot, but never mean, and he ignores me alot, not in a mean way as well, more in a bored way...

I hope nothing is wrong, that I am seeing things wrong cause I am a goof, I just worry, I mean this is the longest I have ever been with a man, well hell hes the first person I have gone out with since I was 17...I swore off men after Ashleys dad hurt me so bad, then there was Ken...he made me laugh and he always made me feel beautiful...I love him so much, I only hope he knows it...anyways I will probably post again before I go camping, I leave Thursday...I will be back Monday

~C~