Seasons changing...

Right now theres alot going on in my life, everything is changing...somethings for the better some not...

I guess we all just have to except certain things in our lives even when we may not want to or be ready to...

Ashley goes through periods of totally freaking out with fear at what will come with her eye problems and total acceptance that things will be ok. Last night she called me in her room like 10 times to ask repeatedly what will happen...I have to be honest with her and in all honesty I don't know yet...we go back to the doctors on the 24th to see if there has been any change and I set up an appointment or am in the process of setting up an appointment to get a second opinion with someone who is used to working with children.

I have watched my daughter go through alot, and I blamed myself for most of it...I got sick when I was pregnant with her, and because of that she was born with a weak immune system, and as she gets older other things start to pop up. Add to that the fact I know nothing about her dads side of the gene pool and I drown in blame for it all.

I don't come from a good gene pool...

Mom-breast cancer, lung problems
Dad-testicular cancer, Kidney problems
Brother-Terminal cancer started in his stomach and spread, kidney problems
Papa-heart problems, blood preasure problems, eye problems
Grandma-high blood preasure, begining althimers
Grandpa F- diesd of cancer and heart diseas
Grandma F-lived to be 89 suffered last 15 years with althimers
Uncle J-eye problems
Uncle JF-high blood preasure, depression and heart problems...

the list goes on and on...then theres me...I was diagnosed at 6 months with severe bronchil Asthma, spent a large part of my childhood in the hospital (6 months out of the year) eye problems due to experimental drugs, unknown diagnosis at this time with my digestive problems and I have fluid around my heart, battled depression as a teen and still have those crazy days...the list goes on and on lol...I have stupid Kidney stones, several in each kidney, and I had my galbladder removed due to galstones lol...I am one broken person...

So as you see my poor girl was doomed from the very begining...I just worry that she is so young and has had to endure so much...she deserves the best in everything and I strive to give her that, but I can't fix her medical problems even though I wish I could...

I am doing ok, I just have alot of problems in my life that I need to deal with, and once I figure them out a little better I will tell you what all is going on...till then please keep my little one in your thoughts and send her get well soon vibes and stop swelling vibes lol...

till then take care...

Oh I must add I live in california, in the San Jauqine area and we got snow, hail and tornadoes...how crazy is that!!!! lol bye all