Family

I just have a little bitching to get off my chest....sorry

My father is a class A ass hole...always has been, hes been a solid drunk since before I was born, hes only been a father when forced to...and he has the kids he wanted and then the mistake...me.

I have always tried to have some type of relationship with him, I have always reached out to him...even when hes let me down every time...well I wrote him an E-mail about Ashley...and he wrote me a stupid ass leter back...he said god will handle it (he always finds religion at the bottom of a bottle) and then said if she goes blind it was meant to be...not what I needed to hear...he then went on to say I may have made mistakes during my pregnancy I should look into...he hurt me, like a deep down hurt this time...then went on to tell me I was a bad sister to my eldest sister and should call her on her birthday because shes had such a hard time as of late...

My sister is a bitch...she is a horrible person...I didn't meet her till I was 16 and she was 20...so there was no bonding...she had a baby, my wonderful little niece...ohhh how I love that little girl...shes bi-racial, beautiful and so sweet...and her mom got into drugs...heavy...ran off...stole my niece from her dad who had custody...and put her in constant danger with her skin head boyfriend...he was all about white power, so mean to my little niece...

Cheryl sent her home...alone...on a plane...then came back, found religion and all is supposed to be forgiven...this is who my dad wants me to be close to...who was more important than my little girl, than her needing him, me needing him...he broke me this time I think...I won't reach out anymore...its his turn...I give up...he had Cheryl with his first wife...then he had his all important son (my big brother whom I love) and then came me...he never wanted me, and its never been hidden from me...

Family means so much to me, I do everything for them...always there no matter what...for all of them...but not one (except grandparents) have ever been there for me...I have always tried to please them all, they never even noticed me...I was always the quiet one, sitting aside, not fitting in...and noone ever tried going over to me and trying...I have a large family, and I do love them all...they are all loud greeks, armenians and egyptians...they are boistrous and unafraid of anything...hmmm wonder where the hell I came from then...

My papa and Grandma have always been there for me, to pick me up when I was stranded, to hold me when I was scared...to sit with me when I just needed someone to sit there...they kept me held togather when I wanted to fall apart...they have been my rock, never asking much from me but offering everything...they are like that with a few of us...they are there for all of us, but they are solid for a few of us...the outcasts lol...the ones that don't fit the family mold...they see the good in us and always believe in us...I love them with all I am, I will always be there for them...my grandma calls everyday, most of the time multiple times...lol I love her, shes so quirky, so funny..

My papa looks like Santa claus lol...hes a big man, hes 6'2 and solidly build lol...truck driver his whole life, faught hard to make it her in the US...and he did...and prospered...hes a wonderful man...he can be a little loud and scare people who don't know him, but to me hes a big ol teddy bear lol...

So with all the bad I have my safe spot...I just wish I had a true family...one that was close...some are very close, and then others don't fit into what the main part is...the rich all about them group...I just wish we caouls just come togather with no stress and no crap...yeah right lol...

Well sorry for bitching about my dad and sister, but they just really got to me this time...

till next time...