Sun Burns Hurt!!

We had a blast camping :o)

We got there late Thursday evening, Ken had to work Thursday till 5, so we had to set up in the dark lol.

We go to a place called Fresno Dome, it is simply beautiful. the camp site is very close to a creek so you get the running water sound, we were next to a meadow, so we got the great wildlife experience and the bathroom isn't to far of a walk lol...so all in all, it was good.

We goofed around, cooked, fished, and tried to get the dog in the creek. Puppers is a water dog, loves the water, hell half the time we are trying to fond ways to keep him out of it, this time we had to bribe him in lol. we took his ball (ballaholic dog he is) he would jump in to get it, but he also tried to stay on the rocks in order to get around getting wet lol, its the snow melt off so its still pretty cold, but we had been in the sun and wanted to cool him off lol...it was fun.

Playing in the creek, in a tank, no damn sunscreen, equaled disaster for me...Ken and Ashley have tanned skin, me I am white lol...so I got one hell of a burn...upper arms neck area the worst, but I also got burnt on the part in my hair lol...its wierd...I am now at the peeling stage, but its still sore...

We had a good time just being a family, away from the drama, and laughing, playing games and being us, we needed this so bad...its hard living with my mom and trying to be a family as well...puts alot of stress on us as a whole.

Well anyways it was a blast and next year we are going for 6 days so we have a better chance to just relax and kick back a little more :o)

__________________________________________________________

I am watching What Not To Wear right now about a lady who has low self esteem and isn't real tall, and well shes fluffier than most...I can so relate to her...

She went to some stores, most clothes on the rack are size freakin 2...then finding her size and trying them on, hating the fit, and when it doesn't fit the pain you feel inside...the way she looked was so me...when I go shopping I get so depressed, I want to cry, and have, I hate who I have become, but then again I have always battled this dark depression, only lately its gotten worse, probably due to not sleeping...hell anyone would be bitchy and depressed if they faught insomnia for 12 years...

the lady on TV has long hair (I do to) she hides behind it, it shields her from the world...I do that big time. She wear baggy clothes, no form fitting anythings...that is so me...well I sorta dress like a skater (I grew up a big time skater and well still am lol) and so I have the baggy jeans and skate pants...all the STUSSY shirts and wavelengths stuff...its me...but I want to wear the pretty clothes, I want to look sexy for Ken, but I don't because I hate how I look in it, I can't wear it for him if I hate what I am in it...I am working on it...I swear I am.

I am on this topic because like I said this girl is so me...they dress her up, do the hair and stuff and she looks great, she smiles, they fixed her...why isn't life that damn easy...blah...I am trying to find my way, and I will eventually, I just am on a small detour...

Ken is going to walk with me everyday he says...probably will forget...and I have been doing silly shit like sweatin to the oldies with Ash (so easy to work out to Richard Simmons lol and not hate yourself) I don't care to get skinny, I don't want that, I just want to be heathy and happy and its a step in that direction...

_____________________________________________________________

Ashleys birthday is coming up on the 19th...she doesn't want much...she wants a Nintendo DS and a game...she has the original gameboy...dark small screen, gives her head aches to see it...her eye doc said we need to get her something else, with the tumor thing we need to lessen the stress on her eyes...so we are trying to get it, damn I wish things didn't cost so much...my mom is helping me, but its still going to be tight...

theres also getting all the school stuff and then its going to cost 150 for her to start school...her lab fees, PE clothes and all the small crap required...I miss back when school was free lol...but we have been putting away 20 a month to get there, doesn't sound like much, but when you are on a tight budget its whats there...hell it costs us almost 100 a week for gas...I hate it!!!!! it just cost us 79 and it will just go up again...we pay 800 in rent then there seating and heating/air and garbage and then water and TV...geez we are so freakin broke its not funny...but we still try to do the family stuff, its just a little harder for us at times lol...but we have been saving for the movies tomorrow, Pirates 2 wooohoooo...

Anyways if anyone knows a cheaper place for the DS please pass it on...thank you :o)

_________________________________________________________________
Thanks for listening to me rave, rant and complain lol, I needed to get somethings of my chest and just deal with it...

Anyways its 1 am and I need to go finish my load of laundry lol ;o) see ya all tomorrow