Alot has been going on lately...first and foremost is my moms health has been pretty bad. I sat with her for over 12 hours at the ER, she has a severe infection in her arm and it is huge, swollen, red and giving off crazy amounts of heat. I am not gonna lie, I am scared to death of losing her, as much as we fight and bicker, theres a ton of love there...please keep my mom in your prayers :(
Second is Ashley...she is withdrawing so much lately, I dont know how to reach her. Tonight I was talking to my dad and I told him how she wanted to go to UC Davis and then I said but she wasn't sure cause she doesn't want to leave me, it was a lie. She cant wait to get away from me, and that breaks my heart daily, its one thing to admit it to myself, but a totally different thing to admit to other people. I dont know what I have done to make her so angry at me, why she is so angry at all of us.
Ashley is this crazy smart kid with a huge heart that unfortunatly has been hurt alot, but the anger she has against all of us is crazy and scary...my biggest fear is when she graduates next year she will leave and never come back. If I did something wrong I could understand, if I beat her or hurt her or did anything to her, then this anger would be right,but I dont. She complains we dont spend alot of time togather...we dont. she never wants to be around me, and when I talk to her no matter what I say she walks off and shuts her door leaving me feeling so lost. I dont blame her for her feelings, because we all must have done something, I just dont understand what yet.
The house is crazy, I know it is, there are a lot of arguing, alot of loud voices, but thats the way I grew up as well, I have tried a million times to make it better, but I just dont know how, my mom and me will always have this relationship...theres so much anger and bitterness...but theres way more love than all the negative.
I just wish Ashley would talk to me, tell me how to fix us, or give me a hint, reach out to me in some way...I just miss her so much...and I want to be the mom I used to be, the mom she was proud of, loved and wanted to be wround...I feel like an empty shell right now, i hope she can forgive me at some point..
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This is my Place in the world to spill my thoughts and such and to possibly learn more about myself
Wednesday, June 15, 2011
About Me
- Carie
- I am a 33year old mom...I am in a long term relationship with a man I am wild about. I went to college to become a teacher and am currently seeking employment in my chosen field
For My Mom
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2 comments:
Hope your mom is doing better today.
Dont try to figure out teenage girls....I did and lost each and everytime. And if she does leave she will be back, believe me once she is over the emtional roller coaster she is in the middle of she will see that family is all we have in the end.
I left like 3 times with the idea of never coming back but I have returned each time with a new but similar lesson learned
So much is going on. I do hope your mom is healing. Those kinds of infections can be extremely scary. PArt of Ahsley's job now is to become more independent. The yoyo back and forth of needing you and then pushing you away is expected. She won't stay away forever. For now, though, the road will be bumpy. BTW, my own daughter and I are going thru the very same things.
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