Off To Prison...

As many of you know, my little cousin has had numerous run ins with the law, and its all caught up with him now. # years...3 years in prison. Hes 19, a daddy, and no matter what any of us did, he just would not stay clean, and trust me, we all did everything to try and help.

Its heart breaking when you are seeingsomeone you love falling a part, destroying themselves, and truely not be able to help. I have always been there for him, running out at midnight to pick him up aftre a fight with his dad, hiding him here in my house when his dad lost it and wanted to hurt him, Talking to him for hours and hours, letting him talk about all the stuff hurting him.

He has called me mom since he was 4 years old, I was always the one there for him, always. I always will be. But he has to learn, he has to see that his actions have consequences, what if he was stoned while driving his daughter somewhere, what if he hurt himself or someone else while under the influence...how would he be able to live with himself then?

He has lived a majorly fucked up life, both his parents screwed up so bad, neither able to see past themselves to be a good parent, both so selfish that they often ignored his needs, they had him commeted when he was like 8, thats right,, he threw a normal fit, like all little kids do, trying to get the attention he needed and deserved, and they commited him, saying he was crazy...and thats when his life started to truely fall apart.

He would wake up with nightmares after that, afraid of the dark, or being alone. He would do anything to try and forget, and the fights with his dad got worse and then turned violent, on both parts...but only my little cousin paid for it, never the adults who started it, who made it escalate, only the child they all thought was worthless.

He is an amazing person, he has such a huge heart. He taught Ashley how to ride a bike, how to play basketball, baseball and soccer, he would spoil her rotton, and always ready to protect her. He played barbis with her when he was a teenager, just because it would make her smile, hewould hold her hand whenever we were outside, and at Disneyland he always had a hold of her, always watching her, chasing down the characters and blocking their escape so she could see them lol...this kid is special, hes way more than just my cousin, he is like another child of mine, as well as my best friend...and he desrves so much more than this...

I will miss him so much, I will try my hardest to see him, we don't know what prison he will be at yet, but hopefully its not to far. I wish things had been different, I wish I could have been there more or been able to keep the bad away...I just hope he stays safe and comes home to us as soon as he can. i love this kid, and my heart is breaking for him...and I hate that he has been through hell all these years, and still no one else takes any responsibility for it...he truely is a good kid, he just followed the wrong path...