Lonely

I live in a house full of people, a house that never stops, and I feel completely and utterly alone.

Its a scary thought to know that all the people you love and live with know nothing about the person you are, your deepest darkest fears or your dreams, they don't know why you are the way you are, and they have no clue how hurt you are by their little slights, I am a stranger in the middle of a family.

I am shy, very shy, I tend to shut down when there are to many people around, I tend to talk to much when I am nervous or alone with someone that I feel uncomfortable with, and I avoid confrontations at all costs, I am ghetto at the core and will htrow down way easier than I will talk it out, bad habits from living in the ghetto all your life.

I hide my feelings, I write, alot, but then I get rid of most of the writing, I have a diary, I write to my dear stranger...just easier to write to someone then to just write sometimes, I try to never hurt the people around me, even when they cut me the deepest. I go out of my way to protect the ones I love, but they are the quickest to hurt me.

Its so wierd at times being here, watching everyone live their lives and feeling like you got left behind, your their after thought.

Just feeling down today, one of those days where I truely wish I could walk away, not forever, but maybe for a night, from everyone, a vacation from life really. My doctor would love that, my blood preasure is so so so bad, I am on pills for it and still its crazy, she says I have to much stress lol, well duh right?

Anyways, just needed to get it out, let go of it, and move on from it...life is what it is and I am going to make a huge effort to get over all the crap and just live, be happy and work on myself...

Be happy all...