Why

Do you ever feel like no matter what you do you just can't get a break?

I feel like that...all the damn time!!!!

As many of you know I have had a multitude of health problems for a few years ago, you would think the docs would start to get an idea of whats wrong...but here it is like 8 years later and they are still ruling shit out.

I am tired of being poked, prodded and just generally getting the run around. I am in constant pain, I mean everyday...all day. I still can't sleep...my joints are getting so much worse, my dizzy spells are even worse...the part I hate the most is the constantly being sick, you know, the run to the bathroom and lose it kind...I mean daily, for years. I am tired, run down and just feeling so lost. Wonder why I am always so depressed?

I take so many pills a day its crazy...theres some for my heart, my thyroid, pain, joints, blood preasure and so damn many more...I feel like a damn pharmacy all on my own.

I hate not being able to work, I hate not being able to work with kids...I am a teacher who loves her job, I looked forward to everyday, no matter how hard, my kids were my world, I hate that I can't treach, I am considered unrealiable with my health problems. I work with special needs kids, and with the "being sick" constantly, the severe pain and dizzy spells I can't do it...and I hate it.

I want to work, I want to do something...but there are days where just getting out of bed is nearly impossible. When the alarm goes off at 5 am I am practically in tears getting up...I am physically and mentally drained from all of this...I just wish it would end.

I try so hard not to complain about being sick, I seldom ever let the people here know how bad I am, Ken knows if I am letting him see how much I hurt that I am at the point where I need to go to the hospital, I wait till the pain is past unbearable, where my body is shutting down and to the point where I just can't function...almost all the rest of the time I try to hide it...except with this damn lump on my ankle, it hurts and I can't hide the limp lol...

I constantly feel guilty because I feel as if I have let everyone down, like I am not pulling my own weight...I am just so frustrated.

I am sorry I just really needed to vent...to get it off my chest right now. I am tired, hurting and I just want someone to hit me on the head so I can finally sleep.

Night all, I am off ot watch nick at nite...