Pain

UGHHHH!!!!!!

First off sorry its been so long...now onto the life and times of me lol

I was finally diagnosed with something, after years of testing and ruling out things...I have Fibromyalgia they aren't ready to rule out other things as well, but this is a huge start for me, it means I am not crazy.

For years I have been in severe pain and just so screwed up and all the doctors just kept giving me more and more pills to take (I am at 28 a day right now) and finally I have a doc that is treating the full scale of things and slowly taking me off certain pills and adding others that may work alot better. It just feels good to be able to say hey see I told you I hurt and am always run down, I am not lieing or lazy...trust me thats what people thought for a long time, even agter my 3 surgeries.

I am going in for a skin biopsy on the 28th. They treat me very aggresivly when things look wrong because of the high cancer problems in my family...mom has breats cancer, dad had testicular cancer as well as liver cancer, brother is terminally ill with stomach cancer...so they check everything that looks different or has changed...I hate needles and all that so it gets rough for me. I am glad that I have a doctor now that is willing to go the extra mile for me, to listen to what I say and not dismiss it...it helps alot trust me.

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Ashley is loving school so far...sad thing is one of her teachers is an old ummm school mate that my brother torchered. She had a huge crush on him and he was just so damn mean to her, so now my poor daughter gets the odd looks from her and the way she says her name lol poor Ash.

Ashley is in excelerated classes (they call GATE that now) and still has a very very high A average and does alot of community service. She has so many awards from the govenor and the president, she has been invited to all kinds of high profile functions...and she still remains my sweet little shy girl lol.

Her headaches have been pretty bad lately so I am calling her doc to see if the psedu cerebral brain tumor is getting worse or if its just stress. I worry about that damn tumor so bad, she is such an amazing girl and she loves to read, and they have warned that she could go blind, to a little girl who lives to read and write stories its horrible.

She is getting so tall, almost taller than me lol, I am 5'5 and she is very very close.





As you can see she is beautiful and growing up way to fast, this pic is from the begining of summer so I will add one later thats more recent...I miss the little girl with the chubby fingers that would hold on to my index finger and lead me everywhere asking a million questions, the toddler that still needed me for everything, the smart little girl who crawled into my lap to read to me every night...I miss those years so much, and yet I am beyond proud of the woman I see her becoming, she is full of life, laughs all the time, fiercely loyal to her friends and still willing to hold my hand while we are out, never ashamed to tell me she loves me or hug me in front of people...Ashley is my whole world and my life.

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Ken and I, for some reason, seem to be arguing way to much lately. He has a very short fuse lately and I seem to set it off multiple times a day. I know his stress level is through the roof so I try to understand, but sometimes it hurts. there are times he snaps at me and I get so quiet and go away from him and I am on the verge of tears, I know he doesn't do it to be mean, he just has no outlet for all his frustration and hes so exhausted...I just need it to get better.

He is still working his ass off at work and getting way underpaid, but such is life in sunny california. I wish he got the recognition he deserves, I also wish he could find happiness in his work.

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My puppies are doing great :) they are getting huge lol. they are learning their commands really well and are really good at fetch. Yes they still get int trouble for eating the grass and bushes and for beating up Puppers lol, but they are really really good natured dogs. Lady is finally starting to play with them lol, she still snaps at them alot, but she is more accepting of them now, and Puppers loves to play with them when he can, but some days his arthritis is just to bad...I love my housefull of dogs :)

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Well we also got adopted by a beautiful stray cat Ashley named Toast









We had a scarey moment when he got hit by a car, but a trip to the vet and some meds and he is all better. He is such a love, he plays so cute with Ashley...

We also now have a neighbors cat who refuses to go home, he sleeps on my porch all day and night so I feed him as well lol. There are 8 cats who now come here for safety and food, yes I am that crazy animal lover who tries to save them all. They are all so precious and I have almost all of them coming to me now...theres one that I am still working on though. I do love animals and in my dream world I would own alot of land and rescue as many as I could, I mean not like 500 or something crazy, only as much as I can love and give attention to...trust me I am crazy like that lol.


Well I am off to watch Sabrina the teenage witch lol...only decent thing on tonight ;)

night all !!!!!!!!!!!