She was so beautiful, she took my breath away, it wasn't a child I saw in front of me, but a beautiful young woman. She glowed, there was this light shinning off of her that was blinding, and it was amazing.
I held it togather up until her friend Austin sang for the class, he sang Time of your life...and he did an amazing job, and thats when I lost it...but its ok I didn't blubber, I just had tears falling down silently as I watched her sitting there...my baby is no longer A baby (she will always be my baby). She is going to be a freshman, I am 32 years old and I so want to hold her again lol...you just have no clue how badly. I love this beautiful woman with all that I am, and all that I will ever be, she is my heart and soul, my true reason for being...I honestly believe I was put on this earth to be Ashleys mommy :) she gives me a purpose in life, she makes me so happy and I just can't believe that in 4 years my sweet little baby will go off to college, I will fall apart, thats not a threat or promise, just a fact.
I have lived my whole life being her mommy, I was a mommy before I was a grown-up, I lived every moment for her, adn I don't regret a second of it, but I do know that when she is grown and gone my world will fall apart, not forever, but for a good long while. I am so happy and proud of her, and so damn scared of what lies in the future...face it, if I raised her right (and I did) she will leave home and conqure this big ass world, and I will sit at home eagerly awaiting her calls and visits...how the hell do you go from being a full time mom to an always mommy who has no baby to mommy lol...
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I have mentioned before that my dogs have each been sick, same thing, one right after the other...well now its my poor sweet Lady's turn. this sweet amazing little cocker with the big brown eyes is the saddest most pathetic sickie...its breaking my heart. Lady is 10 years old and as active as a pup, but right now her tummy is kicking her ass, and all the straining and ickyness that comes with a sick tummy has caused her to pull a muscle...my poor little girl.
That poor sweet beautiful little dog is so sore and stiff, and her tummy is so sick, she is just miserable...asleep nw...thank goodness :)
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We are getting ready for our big trips next month. July 10th is our annual camping trip...roughing it in the mountains, ohhh man I love it, getting out of Fresno and away from all the stress...woooohoooo, than on the 20th (day after Ashleys birthday) we are leaving for a road trip through Oregon and Washington, seeing the amazing water falls in oregon and then heading up to where I grew up, Forks Washington :)...its gonna be so nice, just Ashley, my mom and me...I wish Ken could go, but he has work and then theres the dogs...they need him to stay with them lol. I can't wait to try and destress lol.
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Thats all I have for now, I am leaving out a ton, but I will fill you all in when I can...trust me life has been hectic here...all the docs and then the dogs, ashley and ken...life is busy...
I miss you all so much...
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