Take A Deep Breath

Good news...Grandma is home!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Things are looking up, they are saying that it was a mild heart attack and that no major damage was done...even after they said this my sweet grandma kept saying the docs were crazy she didn't have a heart attack...I love that crazy woman :)

Seeing her in that bed with tubes everywhere and machines beeping...it does something to you. I always saw her as this larger than life person, but in that bed she looked so small and frail. I am just thankful shes ok and home now.

Life here sucks...it truely does.

I have been battling a chronic sinus infection for over a year now...been on pills for it for over a year now...come on being on antibiotics for that long can't be good. My dizzy spells are only getting worse...this sucks cause it makes me fall allot!!!!!!!!

I want to be well already, I am so tired of being sick!!!!!

Ken and I...well we are working on it. I am so damn tired of always feeling like I need to walk on eggshells around him, I always feel like theres this tension...it sucks. Him and I are complete opposites, I mean it to. He likes to watch the history channel and the war channel and of course speed...me I like comedies. he likes to talk politics and well I am not at all in agreement of his politics lol...hes a nerd, and I love that about him lol but at the same time I never know what the hell hes talking about...I do so much damn research on the stuff he talks about, I still don't get most of it, but at least I try lol

I bet you he could not name the things I am interested in, or my dreams...I bet he has no clue what my favorite things are...he has no idea how I spend my days or ever read any of my serious writings...I am not sure he really wants to know...but life is what it is right now.

I love him, with all I am, I just wish I was sure he truelly loved me the same way. I just wish we could reconnect again...maybe go somewhere away from here for a night...who knows, alls I do know is we need some alone time...no Ashley, mom or dogs lol...bt it will not happen cause we are so damn broke lol!!!!

Our house is 51 degrees right now...yup its cold...but the heaternot only makes me sick, but with the raised prices in our erea for energy and stuff we can't afford to run it...sucks!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I know wah wah wah!!!! but damn it its my blog and I'll cry if I want to ;)

Off to watch Lost...

take care all...(oh and Ken would rather sit in the livingroom watching geek TV then sit with me ): )