Been Awhile

I am sorry for not being on here for awhile, life has been hard and hectic here.






I will start of going backwards in away...


Yesterday my sweet kitty lost her long battle with FIP. Mama was so amazing and strong. For 3 years she put up a big fight to live and we faught right beside her, willing to go as far as needed until she either gave up or her quality of life was no longer there. It was a hard decision to make, heartbreaking. I have lost 3 pets in 3 years and it hurts so bad. I miss her so much, she was so silly and goofy, I loved cuddling with her or watching her ambush people walking down the hall...I miss her and I loved her so so much.




Saturday Ken was on his lap top typing away and giggling from time to time and I said oh your chatting...he said no and gave this dumb reply...the thing is he was chatting, with the crazy girl noless...alls he had to say was he was chatting, no biggie, we all have friends of the opposite sex, but when you have to lie to hide it then I have to start wondering why...everytime I think we are doing great something like this happens...its tearing me up...if it were the first lie or evasion I could say its ok and talk it out hell even if it was the second or third...I am just so tired of always having to wonder whats the lie and whats the trueth...I don't understand why he decided to lie...I am just so tired of being confused and hurting all the time, I just wish he understood how much I need to trust him.


Last week my little cousin was arrested...yep the same cousin who just became a dad. Hes in jail, the wife is a liar and crazy and the baby is with CPS. We are still waiting to see who the baby is going to get placed with, and yes we will take her in in a heart beat. I love my little cousin but he fucked up and he needs to be punished, he hit his wife and thats inexscusable...she lost the baby cause she was stoned off her ass...oh and did I leave out she was breastfeeding the little one? I am just so mad at both of them...she has lost other children, shes older and knows better...hell he just turned 18 he should know better to...it sucks that 2 people with lives and minds this fucked up can have children but people who are amazing with huge hearts like my brother can never have one!!!! I am so worried about the baby...shes been in foster care for a week now and thats just to long...she needs to be with the family...she is so beautiful and so sweet. She stole my heart when she was born, I sat and watched her and held her when she was just minutes old...I would and will do whatever it takes to make sure she is well taken care of...she deserves so much better than what shes got.


my life has consisted of worrying about my cousin, how he is in jail, if hes ok...about the baby who should never have been in this situation...my cat as she struggled towards the end...and about Ken. I am tired, exhausted and just worn out. I need one day to just be...one day where nothing happens and theres no crap to deal with. I hope my cousin is ok, hes my little man and I care alot about him, I think he needs to know he did wrong and face up to it, but I want him safe...I hope who ever has the baby sees how amazing she is and is loving her alot, letting her know shes wanted and that shes safe...I hope my kitty knew how much I loved her, that I wanted a lifetime with her not just 3 years. I hope Ken wakes up and sees that hes hurting me and learns to be truethful, to stop making me wonder...







My heart is broke as is my spirit right now...I am just so tired of everything...







bye